Dead Nigga Storage
From No Homers Club Wiki
| Dead Nigga Storage | |
 | |
| real name: | scott |
| aliases: | candy maldonado; dr. quinn, medicine woman |
| aoifename: | Scooty |
| location: | arcadia |
| known for: | being dns |
Dead Nigga Storage (also known by the aliases candy maldonado and dr. quinn, medicine woman) is the No Homers Club's favorite member, and unofficial mascot. An arrogant, racist, biased, homophobic, ill-tempered, misanthrope, he frequently seeks out debates with various users on the No Homers Club, almost solely in the off topic section of the board. He is known for his adamant opinions about sports, politics, pop culture, and the media. He speaks in truths.
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[edit] Biography
Dead Nigga Storage was born Scott Kelley in Morristown, New Jersey on April 6, 1986, though his birthday continues to be a subject of vigorous debate. For the last 21+ years, he has hated you. He continues to, to this day. But at age 8, his hatred from New Jersey was moved, in favor of a hate-based platform run out of California.
[edit] Board Life One
In July of 2002, Scott joined the No Homers Club under the name FunkLordoftheUSA. He was led to the site by his online friend Kupomog who he had known since late 1999/early 2000. When he joined, he decided almost immediately on a disagreeable personality. He frequently got into fights with the Music nerd krew and Film Nerd Krew for no other purpose than entertainment. This included a hyperbolic account of his hatred for Pulp Fiction (which would later become the origin of his username, in addition to being a favorite movie), and his insistence that he would never see The Godfather because he refused to condone violence. This latter absurdity got him warning points in April of 2003, prompting his departure from the board because of his disappointment with the reception of his odd sense of humor. Scott's attempts to dismiss everything with hatred during stint one was a failure, due in part to his immaturity.
Before leaving the NHC the first time, he changed his username to Anti-Everything to reflect the perception people had of him on the board. He was well known for an incident where, on the day of the deaths of seven astronauts on board space shuttle Columbia, he informed the users that he was 'over it' already, and didn't see why anyone cared. He also debated the usage of the word hero to describe their actions, solely to enrage other users. It was a large part of the downfall of his first account on NHC.
[edit] Board Life Two
DNS regularly argues with everyone with a bunch of words because he can, Don't worry, he is always right.
He is best known for his charitable works, including saving whales from Canadian terrorists and delivering hair implants to starving children in Oklahoma.
OTers tend to kiss his ass and worship him.
He also is a superfag, albeit a loveable one. However, studies show that prolonged exposure to DNS may cause rectal bleeding.
DNS is great to speak with on the telephone... once he's stopped cursing you out. (usually takes 5-9 minutes)
Former usernames include: FunkLordoftheUSA, Anti-Everything, Dead Negro Storage, Undead Negro Storage, David Palmer, Zombie David Palmer, Dead Negro Palmer, Dead U-Haul Self Storage, Deadeneezer Scrooge, President Logan, Kelley, President Noah Daniels, and Walter Peck, EPA.
Everyone pay irritated Scott a new donkey, daddy needs a new pair of slacks.
[edit] Trivia
- Is fervently anti-Australian
- Can juggle four flaming bowling pins while riding on a unicycle
- Very likely does not get the irony of his username
- Is known for saying the word 'fuck' alot
- Removed this article from the "Articles with dicks in them" category because it wasn't even created as a category yet
- Wait, you have to create categories? Fuck this shit
[edit] DNS At The Movies
- on The Shining: "its just like a BLACK MAN to come along to try and ruin a WELL FUCKING THOUGHT OUT PLAN"
- on Fargo: "it stalled in the middle in the scene when marge met her old school friend. Probably because that character was ASIAN, and ASIANS are always fucking STALLING"
- on I Am Legend: "the last man on earth being BLACK is proof that god DOES NOT FUCKING EXIST"
- on Ikiru: "what a poor bastard, he has only a year to live and he has to live it as an ASIAN"
- on 8 1/2: "going by the title i thought it was about a BLACK MAN'S COCK"
- on Crash: "not bad"
